I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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