Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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