Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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