ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
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She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
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You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's shark week go big or go home
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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