yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
