She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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