I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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