I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
