ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
