I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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