woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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