I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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