The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
