I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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