He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
