grandma shit on top of the toilet
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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