Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
