I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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