So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
