I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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