Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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