Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
