Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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