??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
