He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
