u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
