Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It's blow job season.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
