im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
