I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
