I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
