nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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