We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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