Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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