He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
