The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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