I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
