like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
