I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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