I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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