; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
