I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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