i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I met the friendliest cop last night
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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