I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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