what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
They have beer where we have blood.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He did a backflip because drugs
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
