I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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