It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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