her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
