Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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