i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Holy sore nipples Batman
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
