Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
