Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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