i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
