Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
