why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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