I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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