That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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