Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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