Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
