TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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