In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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