Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
