Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
