I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
